


Not Kylo anymore, but not Ben yet

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, short but sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: Inspired by the song Know Who You Are from Moana.





	Not Kylo anymore, but not Ben yet

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Know Who You Are from Moana.

When  ~~Kylo Ren~~  Ben Solo accepted Rey’s offer to turn to the Light side he didn’t thought it’d be easy. But he didn’t think it’d be this hard either. Rey, as being the one who lend her hand to him, has been nice and kind to him, always asking how he’s doing or how he’s feeling. But she’s busy with her training and with Finn, so he can’t say they’re exactly friends. His mom accepted him too with open arms, of course after she scolded him like a fiver year old kid. But she’s the General of the Resistance, her days are filled with tasks, meeting, decisions, planning. No time to play the happy family game with him.

And the worst of all is he has to wear these weird metal bracelets that inhibe the Force. Just a simple precaution, everyone says, so the persons near him can feel safe. But it’s not like that, now that they know he can’t use the Force anymore, they have fun teasing him, giving him mean names or playing jokes on him. He feels he deserves all of that though. After all he has done.

“Can I sit here?” a timid voice rings in Ben’s ears and he lifts his head up from his plate of food to see who asked. A girl is standing in front of him, carrying a tray of food.

“If this is another joke, just do it quick and leave” he says with his jaw clenched.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll leave” you say choking your tears. You just wanted to be nice with Ben Solo, after seeing how the others treat him. But all you got was his cruelness. The rumors were true: his words hurt more than a hit.

“No, wait” Ben regrets his previous words and grabs your arm, almost making you lose balance of your tray. “Sit with me, please”.

You see how his gaze transforms completely in front of you and in less than five seconds. Now his eyes are shining and there’s a hint of a smile in his face.

“Ok” you say and take a seat in front of him.

Ben gets nervous, not wanting to lose the opportunity to make a friend. He was already rude to you and scared you.

“I’m (Y/N)” you introduce yourself and give him a wide smile.

“That’s a nice name” Ben whispers, unsure if it’s something appropriate to say.

“Thanks” you fiddle with your hair and your cheeks turn need. Ben thinks that maybe it is an appropriate thing to say.

“Your friends are looking. Aren’t you scared to lose them?” bitterness comes back to him when he notices the gazes of some people from another table. They’re laughing and whispering between them.

“Oh” you turn to see who he has talking about. “Not really. If they stop talking to me because I want to be your friend, then I don’t wanna be friends with them” you shrug and take a fork to start eating your food.

“You want to be my friend?” Ben frowns, not understanding why somebody would want to chose him as their friend. With your mouth full of food, you only nod trying to smile.

“Why?” he asks you.

“Why not?” you gulp down your food and grin, hoping you have nothing between your teeth.

* * *

“Ben” you knock on Ben’s door at midnight. “Ben!” you say louder, hoping you don’t wake someone else.

“(YN)?” Ben opens his quarters door. He’s using a white shirt and grey trousers.

“Did I wake you up?” you wonder.

“No, I was just reading”

“Still having problems to sleep?” you ask him. Since the lunch you shared weeks ago, you’ve been hanging out frequently with him.

“Yeah” he chuckles. The transition from darkness to lightness is not easy.

“I want to show you something. Come” you grab his arms and he gulps nervously as he feels your hand touching him.

“Where are we going?” he whispers as the two of you walk outside the base and direct to the forest.

“It’s a surprise” you say without turning your head to look at him.

“Look, I found it in one of my night expeditions” you’ve arrived to a small cliff where you have a clear view. Up in the sky there’s a big purple star that shines more than the other ones. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“So beautiful” Ben murmurs but he’s not talking about the star.

“It’s one of my favorite places and I wanted to share it with you” you sit with your legs hanging off the cliff. You pat the ground next to you, inviting Ben to sit next to you.

“Thank you” Ben puts his hand on top of yours as he keeps looking at the sky. “For this, for being my friend”.

“No need to thank me. I’m so happy I met you” you intertwine your fingers with his.

“Lay on my lap. I want to comb your hair” you say and Ben thinks it for a moment but he ends up agreeing.

After a moment of silence and you running your fingers through his hair, you laugh and say, “You’re purring. You’re like a cat, a black cat because of your hair”.

“Black cats give bad luck” he sighs with his eyes closed, the sensation of being touched like this calms his soul.

“I think they only have bad reputation” you comb his hair with both of your hands.

“I don’t have nothing” Ben gets up from your lap and looks down in sadness.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know who I am. I know I’m not Kylo anymore but I don’t feel like Ben yet. It’s like I’m between those two persons, feeling lost” his bottom lip in a pout.

“Listen” you make him look at you by grabbing a side of his face. “They might had tried to steal the heart from inside you, but that doesn’t define you. You know who you are”.

“I don’t understand” he narrows his eyes.

“You’re free to search for the person who you want to be. I think you already started. And I’m sure I’ll be there when you discover it, because so far I like that person” your pupils dilate and you pulse accelerates for having Ben’s face so close to you.

“You really mean it?” Ben’s feels himself leaning closer to you.

“I mean it“ you pause to answer him, your lips barely touching. Breathing each other’s air, Ben looks straight to your eyes and closes the final distance between your mouths. You kiss him hard, letting him explore your mouth.

“Are you my girlfriend now?” he laughs when the kiss is over. Your faces still close to each other.

“I think so” you snicker at Ben’s innocent question.  

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me: tumblr.com/bad--bad--man


End file.
